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24 August 2011 @ 04:32 pm
Since I've finally recovered the password for my original livejournal account, I'll be leaving this LJ soon. I thought I could just export the posts I've written here but that certainly isn't possible. The only thing that bothers me is that I've made (very few) friends with this account, and probably I'll have to re-add them with my new one. Hope they still remember me, it's been such a long time since I updated my LJ.

Here's the link to my original LJ (if any is interested): http://pinboo.livejournal.com

14 August 2011 @ 07:55 pm
 Just a little poster I made for the fanfic I'm writing in AFF:

08 August 2011 @ 01:40 pm
I'm testing a some sort of new water now. 

I've written fanfic for quite a while, but recently I have just made myself a Kpop fanfic writer. Haha, yes, they Hallyu wave got into me. I did not really intend it to happen. I intentionally limit myself into obsessing 2 groups only : Super Junior and SNSD, but I gawk over them a lot. Too lot. Until I think I've abandoned (not really?) not only my original fanficing in the Anime realm and even my usual works in real life.

Just posted my first Kpop fanfic yesterday, it feels so different with the usual fanfiction.net. I'm intending to intensify my writing to Kpop, although of course, I can never leave and probably will always return to the usual manga/anime fanficcing
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
14 August 2010 @ 01:57 pm
Just a random test. I'm trying to post the first chapter of the fanfiction I'm currently working on. It's not yet posted in ff dot net, and probably, I will only post it a year from now (I still have several fics lining up to be uploaded).

Title : The Garden of a Hundred Dolls
Chapter : 1
Chapter Title : Entrée
Fandom : Card Captor Sakura
Characters : Tomoyo Daidouji & Eriol Hiiragizawa
Genre : Horror, Supernatural, Drama, Suspense
Summary : It's the doll town. Tomoyo returned to her hometown after seven years absence, only to find out that dolls were not mere play things.

Read moreCollapse )

If there's anyone who read it...well, you can tell me your opinion. I'm currently still on the 2nd chapter but this is an interesting subject to me and it will be my 1st attempt on chaptered horror, so...yes, feedback would be much appreciated. This is also to test my LJ, I really don't know how to hide the text behind a link, I'm using the LJ cut right now, I hope it works out.
Current Mood: hungryhungry
12 August 2010 @ 12:45 pm
I'm currently working on:
1. Revising Chapter 12 of The Misfortunate Tale (slow progress, sorry. I'm just frustrated with my own writing)
2. Writing the 1st chapter of a new romance ET fanfic
3. Writing the 1st chapter of a new horror AU ET fanfic
4. Writing the 1st chapter of a new angst-dark-themed ET fanfic
5. Writing the 10th chapter of TMN (not under pinboo pen name)

I'm sorry for any who's waiting for TMT. I'm just currently...that frustrated with the fic.
30 July 2010 @ 11:39 pm
Since I'm changing my ff.net profile, I'm going to post my changed/old profile here. Just in case if in the future I'm going to need the data. haha

name : Pinboo

age : 21

gender : female

Pinboo's Fanfic Statistic:

Total Fanfics submitted :35

- Total Dark-themed Fanfics = 12 (34 percent) fics; Total Light-themed fanfics = 16 ( 46 percent); total undefined, middle-themed fanfics = 7 (20 percent)

- Total tragedy-themed fanfic = 11 (32 percent); Total non-tragedy-themed fanfics = 24 (68 percent)

- Total fanfic with 'romance' (man-woman relationship) or fics with main characters female and male = 35 fics (100 percent)

- Total oneshot fanfics = 22 (62 percent); total chaptered fanfics = 13 (38 percent)

- Total EriolTomoyo fanfics = 17 (48 percent); total SasukeSakura fanfics = 7 (20 percent); total SaiSakura fanfics =4 (11 percent); total other pairings fanfics= 7 (21 percent).


I have created a short 'essay' about my personal opinion regarding the ending of Mnemosyne's Labyrinth. My opinion won't be the official ending, but if you're interested, you can read the essay here. And for those who want to know the 1st alternate ending of Mnemosyne's Labyrinth (IT WON'T BE the official ending, though. It's just something that I wrote before I posted the real ending), you can also check it on my LJ.

Current projects...

The Misfortunate Tale : Beauty and the Beast (NOT) :

an EriolTomoyo Romance chaptered fanfics. So much lighter than Mnemosyne's Labyrinth. All drafts for all chapters are fully written down. Might need to do some re-check and re-write, but basically, I've finished it. Consist of 10 -15 chapters (Can't tell the exact ending point, it will lessen the drama and waiting. hehe)

Upcoming Projects...

The Daidouji-san:

an EriolTomoyo chaptered fanfics. I'm super excited about this one, although I have a feeling that I will be flamed because the rather 'radical way of characterization' I do in this fanfic. All chapters written down. BUT I might still want to add several revisions there and there.

Wish (not the real title) :

Apparently, I crave for writing another dark-themed fanfiction. Yes, a short-chaptered dark story is coming up as soon as I finish writing them off. The idea is actually the first idea I wanted to use for Mnemosyne's Labyrinth. But as they took great different directions, I decided that it was really not a bad idea to continue this little baby. Progress? Oh come on, I've only finished writing 4 paragraphs... Consisted of approximately 4 chapters. Currently preparing the plot.

About my own writing...

- I won't submit a fanfic unless I've written down ALL chapters. This is to make sure I won't abandon the story because the lack of review or something. Exception applies to all the stories that I've written down in the past (my several 1st stories and such...). To those stories, i will let those 'disgrace' in my profile (to remind myself how crappy my works were) but I won't update it, simply because I forgot the plot.

- I think I can portray the emotions of the characters and do the overall plot better in one-shots than in multi-chaptered fics

- I have tendencies to rush chapters/stories/plot

- My sentences are often complained to be choppy. I know... I just have to work better on my stories.

- My grammar isn't good. Really, many reviewers have complained about this. Sorry...

- I somehow always love to write sick-minded fiction, especially for fiction that has Sakura Haruno from Naruto. I love her, but at the same time, I found no other character as easy to torture as she is.

- I can write both dark and 'light' fanfiction. But never humor. Oh, I suck at writing humor...

- I appreciate constructive critics (even greatly thankful for them)

- I write mainly Eriol/Tomoyo fic. Although that this pairing isn't that popular, but there's always something so captivating about them. They kinda work like a muse to me.

Favorite fics...

Those that can capture my feelings.. I don't mind sad endings, i also crave for the bitter-endings, but preferably I'll choose those that are just simply sweet... I sometimes don't like fluff. I don't like fics that are way too sappy, I love fics that have the sarcasms humor, fics with good characterizations, good plot, fresh ideas, and stuffs...

Personal comments about my own stories...

-Mnemosyne's Labyrinth : After abandoning this fanfic for nearly a year, after the difficult process of brainstorming, after my frustrations towards the characters-story-and myself, I finally finish this fanfic. Yay! I really like this fic, because it serves as my longest fic, and my first dark-long chaptered fic with Eriol and Tomoyo. I love this fanfic and it has a unique, special place in my heart. I love the Eriol and Tomoyo here. Being together with them for 21 chapters make my love towards them deepens. . My writing is still poor in some chapters, and I lack the details (if only I can do write more details, I think it will be splendid), but I still love this.

- Miss Investigator vs. Mr. Thief : Yay! Finally I'm able to write an AmuIkuto fanfic! (although in some way, it's more of AmiIkuto...hehe). I love and enjoy writing this fanfic.

- Friends Are For.. : This is actually rather forced. Among the 3 Halloween treats, this is my least favorite. I don't know. I think it's very ruthless, the theme isn't as satisfying as the other two, I don't know. I rush this too much...

- He Calls It 'Love' : The beginning was rough and OOC, but I personally like the ending.

- Paranoia : I love this project! I love Sasori and I'm glad to finally be able to write a Sasosaku fic. This is my personal favorite among my 3 Halloween Treats...

- Mars Says, Venus Says: I thought I would never submit this fanfic! But finally I did. Likewise, I actually like the concept, but the outcome isn't as cute as I originally planned.

- Every Obsession : I love how I'm finally able to satisfy my own mind need of writing a sick fiction. This is a not an exactly gruesome fic, but this is pretty different from my other writing

- Oh, Ladies and Gentlemen : my personal favorite chaptered fiction so far. I love this baby project so much. I know the theme is cliche, but I hope I don't write it in the boring way. I love this fiction to bits.

- Last : Got the idea from the contradicting theme of 'Love at the first sight'.

- The Kiss Myths : Originally I love the concept. But this fiction lacks the reviews and when I read it all over again, I think yes, I'm doing one of my speciality again: Not being able to pull a good idea into the maximum point

- Once and Again : Personally I thought this fiction is just screwed. Again, i love the original plot, but I always RUSH everything out and ruin everything.

- The Fool : Loving that finally i'm able to write a shika/ino fiction. a bitter april mop treat.

- The Rain Man : I almost forget that I write this fic. This is written really quick and I don't have deep connection with this.

- His Perfect Machine : My personal favorite. Really, I really LOVE this story. I love the writing process, love the idea itself, love the outcome of it, love the reviews, love everything about this baby!

- Chaining Emotion : Saisaku project that is bitter. One of the first generation of my sick-minded fiction.

- Cherries on Top : Oh my! I almost can't believe i write such fic! This is, one of the... God, lemon-est, porn-iest story i've ever read (yes, even comparing to the other lemon stories by other writer, i still think this one is so... damn...porn-y). And I both sad and proud about the fact that this is my fanfic that earns the MOST reviews in one chapter. Damn, I've got tons of reviews for a porn?

- Ordinary Girl : Sweet and simple, although in my later re-check up, this is SO OOC.

- Sinister Romantic : I'm enjoying bits to bits of writing this one. I personally love my own writing style here.

- A Loveless Pride Man : Another sad ET onseshot. a bit too confusing in my own personal thoughts.

- Chameleon : a deep attachment to myself at that time. But since i originally dislike AU, in the later time, i don't really like the fic that much.

- Project: Reincarnation : I love the concept. My favorite ET oneshot that i've written, because I think the theme is pretty original.

- The Only One : Discontinued. Actually there's only one chapter left. But the data is lost YEARS ago and now I forget the idea. And I don't have that much chemistry about Miroku Sango now... Sorry. This fic is on definite hiatus.

- The Unchained Melody : Liked the idea, but again now, i abhor my writing style that time.

- Here With Me : I originally love this One shot. But later i just thought this is too.. sappy

- The Truth : Definite Hiatus. I forgot what I was planning to write.

- The Answer Won't Come That Fast : I love the idea up until now. I just hope I have time to re-write this because my writing sucked a lot here.

- The Hidden Bet : Like the concept, but doesn't give me that great attachment

- Density : I personally don't know what am I writing here. I mean, I think the writing here is just simply... confusing

- A Promise To Be Fulfilled : Again, on Definite Hiatus. I forgot what I was planning to write.

- 3 Words : My ever first One shot. The theme is rather ordinary, but for a first oneshot i think this is... not that bad? Perhaps.

- Can't Help Falling in Love : Seriously, i even tried to write this?? I don't understand the concept, i alredy forget what I wanted to write. And I dislike AU. So yes, on definite Hiatus.

- The Two Of Us : I don't even dare to check back on this fic. This is my first ET story and it is still VERY raw. Definitely on definite hiatus.

- Cupid's Fight : Oh, oh... the worst writing ever. But I won't delete this fic because this is the reminder of the writing development I have. Definitely on definite Hiatus.

Favorite pairing

Eriol x Tomoyo (CCS)

Sasuke x Sakura (Naruto)

Sasori x Sakura (Naruto)

Sai x Sakura (Naruto)

Satoshi x Risa (DN Angel)

Natusme x Mikan (Gakuen Alice)

Ikuto x Amu (Shugo Chara!)

Ichigo x Rukia (Bleach)

Ulquiorra x Orihime (Bleach)

Lelouch x C.C. (Code Geass)

I hate clicheness, but I guess I'm making myself the world's most cliche person.

Mere contradiction.


Important Notes:
1. This is only one of the ALTERNATE ENDING of the Mnemosyne's Labyrinth. It is NOT the official ending. I'm posting it here just for fun and because some people ask for it.
2. This is created in 2008. I don't check on the grammar. I don't check on the plot, the fluidity of the story, I don't revise it at all.
3. Again, even when I'm posting this, the only ending/story that I admit as official is only the one I posted on the ff.net
4. Beware of mushy, fluffy, suck, yucky overflowed romance. The overused of romance is one of the factor why I don't want to publish this version on ff.net
5. Do not read if you're already fine with the ending of ff.net. This seriously has different atmosphere, different viewpoint, different...well...things.
6. This will start on the 17th chapter. So Chapter 1 - 16 of this version is the same with the official one. Chapter 17 of the alternate ending is already posted before on this LJ.

If you're still fine, then you may proceed...

Mnemosyne's Labyrinth (Alternate Ending)

Chapter 20


                Morning had arrived, and Daidouji Tomoyo still couldn’t sleep since his night visit.

                What that magician truly had in his mind anyway? What was it with him, to finally have inspiration to pay her visit late at night, scaring the hell out of her, then embracing her like that?

                The eyebags she had currently had very good cause.

                Tomoyo had been trying to sort the things out for the past few hours, but Hiiragizawa and his queer behavior just still didn’t make any sense to her. Desperate assumption led her into thinking that perhaps Hiiragizawa was just a freak who liked to play around with her feelings and made her lost her sleeping time. Yes, perhaps he was that freak. But if it had been so, if he had truly thought that this was just another joke to his life, then he had just proven to be such a cruel joker. Didn’t he know that she had cried enough tears for him? Tears that she, herself, didn’t know why she shed those –but just felt that it was the best thing she could do to get out the heaving pain out of her chest.

                Cruel Hiiragizawa…

                Hours had passed already, she didn’t realize that she had lived that day pretty robotically. The moment she was ‘aware’, it was already noon, she had already taken her morning shower and had her breakfast, and was currently preparing for her lunch.

                “This is bad,” Tomoyo had muttered to herself. If this continued on, next time she wouldn’t even realize if a car hit her –just because her mind was concentrating to solve Hiiragizawa’s little mystery.

                And why these Hiiragizawa issues so important anyway? Didn’t she know already that he was just a crazed freak? Didn’t she see enough proofs already of how that guy seemed to always, always, and always made her heart broke and –

                A late realization hit her.

                Yes, why her heart wrenched everytime she saw him?

                Why he… meant that much to her?

                She… didn’t know him that well… He was just an old classmate, an evil guy, an obsessed sorcerer…

                He wasn’t supposed to make her feel like this…

                And the scary thing was, she was beginning to comprehend it. Analyzing herself, she could see the obvious symptoms: She thought about him a lot, she was strangely…feeling comfort around her, his presence lighted her days, and his sad eyes broke her heart…

                And even, with remembering the fact that she was not supposedly to know him, she still found an unexplainable amount of deep comprehension between her and him.

                It was something that beyond logic, beyond her genious mind, beyond rationality, but…

                She thought…

…that she might be in love.




                Her very presence was the least he expected when he opened the front door that certain day.

                “Tomo –Daidouji-san,” he quickly collected himself and regained back his polished aristrocracy. “What are you doing here?”

                “I come here to say some words to you. About your weird behavior towards me, about last night –“

                “Last night, Daidouji-san,” he cut her with eerie smile. “Was just a mistake. Erase that from your memories, pretend that it never happened,” and with fake politeness he kept his smile and started to push  the door close again.  “If that’s all, then good –“

                “Wait!” the woman spontaneously inserted her high-heeled feet between the closing gap. Thank goodness he had good instinct and he stopped right before the wooden door crushed her poor feet.

                Managing an annoyed look, he asked back at her. “What?!”

                With calm yet piercing eyes, she challenged him. “Could you for once please stop being a coward and face the situation?”

                Her little bruise on his ego caught his attention. Chuckly darkly he muttered, “I’m not being a coward,”

                “You’re running away from problems. Isn’t that a cowardice criteria?”

                His eyes sparkled in hidden amusement. “…Fine, Daidouji-san. We’ll discuss the certain problem, what is it?”

                Her amethyst eyes wandered behind him. “You’re not going to let me in first?”

                “No need to. You’re going to finish this here quickly, and I’ll hope not to see you again afterwards,”

                His words stung her. “So you don’t want to see me again?”

                Eriol was quick in covering his own emotion. Flatly, he replied, “Yes, I do not want to see you again,”

                “Then if I may ask, why did last night you come and embrace me like that?”

                His answer didn’t come as quick as his first one. “… I told you that it was a mistake and –“

                “Look at me in the eye when you’re speaking, Hiiragizawa,”

                Huffing an irritated sigh, Eriol turned his sight at her again. “It was a mistake, Daidouji-san. Do I need to repeat it again? Hugging you was a mistake. I must have been out of my mind that time,”


                His comment made her determination faded a bit. She braved herself to come and meet this harsh magician to… to…

                Taking a deep breath, she tried to gather back her strength. Yes, she had a business to do here. And this time, Hiiragizawa wouldn’t be able to get away with it.

                “Then could you please tell me the truth? What have happened these last 6 months or so?”

                “God, Daidouji, I’ve told you millions time! You were in a comatose for –“

                “Do you think I’m going to buy that crap? That doesn’t make sense, Hiiragizawa! You’re hiding something from me!”

                His eyes darkened. “Tell me, Daidouji-san, do you remember anything that happened these 6 months back?”

                “…No. But that’s why I’m –
                “Then you have no base in telling me that I tell you crap. You know nothing about it anyway,”

                “Then let me know,” she spoke through clenched fist.

                The furious aura didn’t deter him. “You’re a wise woman, Daidouji-san. Sometimes, there are things that are better left unknown. Because once you know it, you won’t believe it, and yet it will just screw your mind!”

                Something on his statement perked her. “… So you hide the truth, just because you’re afraid I’m not going to believe it? That’s completely idiotic of you, Hiiragizawa. I’m an objective person and I won’t judge things unfairly!”

                His eyes widened slightly. “I…I’m an evil person. You see me as an evil person…”

                “Really? Are you?” she asked gently. Sighing, Tomoyo then spoke up again. “Fine. If you do the lies, I do the truth. And please, this time, do not cut or interrupt my sayings, okay?”

                “… Fine,” he reluctantly said as folding his arms in front of his chest in bored fashion,

                Eriol folded his arms in front of his chest in bored fashion, but his eyes told otherwise.

                He was patiently waiting. For her… to tell the truth.

                And inside his heart beated in quick tempo, waiting in anticipation…

                Tomoyo started to sweat. Now that she was given the chance to really say what was on her mind, she felt like the words jumbled around in her head. How was she going to start this? Tell him that his enigmatic behavior just ignited the biggest curiousity inside her? Telling him that she weirdly and achingly missed his presence? Telling him how her head seemed like to explode simply because she felt like she knew him, but she didn’t remember anything about him? How? How was she going to tell him?

                At the end, the words just rolled out of her mouth uncontrollably, spontaneously, and truthfully.

                “I think I love you,”

His eyes widened and so were hers.

“What… crap are you talking about?” he growled.

“I-It’s not crap! I mean… I know I’m not making any sense –“

“Yes, you’re not making any sense, Daidouji-san. You… barely know me and now you confess love to me?! That’s completely ridiculous and not to mention insane!”

“I know it’s ridiculous!” she suddenly yelled. “And yes, I also think that I’ve gotten insane! I don’t know you that well, and even that I know you, I only know you as someone beserk and crazy, and yet my heart…“ Tomoyo sighed. “I just can’t stop it…”

Eriol stared at her with mixture emotions swirling around his heart. How dare she? Didn’t she know that this certain action of hers just make him… God, he wanted to hug her, he wanted to kiss her, he wanted to be with her, and love her… only that his conscience told him not to. This girl had no idea what she was talking about. How could she love someone she didn’t even know?

He was about to snap at her again when suddenly a certain piece of sayings from Sakura couple days ago entered his mind.


“She will no longer feel the pain of losing me and her mother. True, that she couldn’t memorize the part when she heals, but it doesn’t matter, because her heart has healed –and that’s what matters. You see, Eriol-kun, memories only works in her mind. She can’t remember that she has healed, but as the matter of fact, she is healed. And that feeling will remain even with some part of her memories erased,”


And that feeling will remain even with some part of her memories erased.

Could it be? Could it be that even though she didn’t remember him, she still felt what she used to feel towards him? Then, did it mean even though she forgot all the time she had actually spent with him, she still…loved him?

His fist shivered involuntarily.

What would he do?

Take it to the next level?

Or just simply let things the way it is now and come back to his resolution to forget her?

“Daidouji-san… I’m… not exactly the good guy. I’m temperamental, I’m selfish, sometimes I just think that I don’t deserve you…” he said finally as turning around and entering his manor back.

Her hope and her heart were altogether crushed. And when she finally got the courage to lift her face again, she saw that he still left the door ajar.

His back was still visible, and ever so slightly, she heard his additional murmur.

“But if you still want to accept me… then I’ll be…I’ll be…” he trailed in lost of words.

Without needing to think of it, Tomoyo then took the certain step inside his manor.

 “I’m home,”

He slowly smiled in pure gratitude. “Yes… welcome back, Tomoyo,”


                The End.

Author Notes:
Crap, crap, crap. There surely is a reason why I didn't want to upload this on ff.net. Urggh, so distasteful. Too mush, too choppy, I actually hate this alternate ending. But again, I just feel like I owe it to some people who want to know the alternate ending.

And...well... although this is not the official ending, do you mind giving me reviews/comments? I still want to know what people think about this.

Thank you...!!


Important Notes:
1. This is only one of the ALTERNATE ENDING of the Mnemosyne's Labyrinth. It is NOT the official ending. I'm posting it here just for fun and because some people ask for it.
2. This is created in 2008. I don't check on the grammar. I don't check on the plot, the fluidity of the story, I don't revise it at all.
3. Again, even when I'm posting this, the only ending/story that I admit as official is only the one I posted on the ff.net
4. Beware of mushy, fluffy, suck, yucky overflowed romance. The overused of romance is one of the factor why I don't want to publish this version on ff.net
5. Do not read if you're already fine with the ending of ff.net. This seriously has different atmosphere, different viewpoint, different...well...things.
6. This will start on the 17th chapter. So Chapter 1 - 16 of this version is the same with the official one. Chapter 17 of the alternate ending is already posted before on this LJ.

If you're still fine, then you may proceed...

Mnemosyne's Labyrinth (Alternate Ending)

Chapter 19


                The next day she woke up with determination.

                There was undoubtedly something important that Hiiragizawa Eriol was hiding from her and she would find that out. If the stubborn sorcerer didn’t say a word, Tomoyo would try the different approach.

                So, Tomoyo’s plan that sunny day involved meeting two of Hiiragizawa’s closest persons: Nakuru and Spinel. She wasn’t sure that the two would talk (after all, all knew how loyal the two were to their master), but perhaps it was worth the try.

                But fate brought her to meet another person first before she executed her plan.

                She met Syaoran Li –who looked like he had seen a ghost wandering on the supposedly calm streets of Tomoeda.


                The raven-haired girl shifted uncomfortably and she greeted the guy back. “Syaoran?”


                The Chinese boy, for the rarest time, decided to be the one to initiate in a conversation. “Where are you going?”

                “Ah, I’m just… planning to go to the Hiiragizawa Manor and –“

                “What are you planning to do there?” he suddenly muttered in foul mood. Tomoyo chuckled nervously at this, but before she could reply, Syaoran had interrupted again with the most disgusted expression he could feature, “Whatever that is, please, just reconsider your will.”

                His deep sentiment towards Hiiragizawa perked Tomoyo’s interest. “Could you possibly… know something that I should know?”

                Li Syaoran sometimes would love to find a way to curse Daidouji’s perspectiveness. The woman didn’t even need any magical ability to read his deepest thought. “I-I…”

                Amusement colored her pretty face –Tomoyo knew when she was having her victory. “Perhaps you care to share me the slightest of the story?” she asked.

                And such a charismatic woman Daidouji Tomoyo was, that the equally stubborn Li Syaoran couldn’t do anything besides to oblige her words.




                Syaoran recalled the conversation he had with Hiiragizawa Eriol just the day before. It was late in the afternoon when he suddenly received the call from someone he least expected.


                “Descendant, I know what I’m about to say may temper you so, but please don’t interrupt me throughout the story,” the magician had spoke over the phone.

                And thus, he started to tell his story about all. About his obsession to revive Kaho by finding the perfect vessel, about his deal with Tomoyo, about The Memory, about their lies towardsTouya, Yukito, and the Chinese boy himself, about his karma to fall in love with Tomoyo for real, and of course, about how Tomoyo lost all her memory since he used The Memory card.

                At the end of his story (Syaoran kept his words not to interrupt after all), the Li boy finally snapped.

                “What the hell have you done, you manipulative jerk?!”

                “… I know I did a terrible thing. But I’ll have to ask you one thing,”

                “And you expect me to fulfill it?!”

                “It’s for Tomoyo’s sake,” his voice sounded desperate. “I just want you to keep these things secret from her. Do not tell her a single thing about her lost memories, and that of course, includes the time when she acted to be lovers with me in front of you, Touya, and Yukito. You understand? Do not tell her,”


                Eriol sighed on the other line, and Syaoran presumed that perhaps he had heard the question gazzilions times already. “I don’t want to hurt her. She doesn’t… need such memory,”

                Positively, Syaoran thought of the reincarnation self of his ancestor was a lunatic. He simply couldn’t understand his logic, wouldn’t matters be easy if he just told her the truth?

                “She wouldn’t believe it,” Eriol suddenly replied to his unspoken question. “And she only remembers me as someone crazy, imagine what her reaction will be if I suddenly confess my feelings about her,”

                Li decided not to debate more on this, but he kept his skeptical insight. “How can I know that this is not just one of your old manipulative tricks? How can I be sure that you’re just trying to put Tomoyo’s life into danger?!”

                “I won’t do that,” he replied surely.



                The chestnut-haired guy blinked several times upon realizing that he had just gotten into his trance. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

                Tomoyo calmly stirred the teaspoon on her tea, but Syaoran could tell by her eyes, that the Daidouji woman hadn’t possessed her true calmness. Her violet eyes constantly wandered out of the window of that café, gazing at people walking down the street with sheer interest. After what seemed to be a long deliberation, she finally spoke up, “Do you know something that… Hiiragizawa Eriol could possibly be hiding from me?”

                His response was slow and uncertain. “… No,”

                The pretty girl took a deep breath. “Syaoran… this is very important to me. If you know something –“

                “Why is that so important for you?” he inquired back.

                Tomoyo was taken aback. “…I know that this doesn’t make sense but I feel that… there’s something really important that I should know, that I should remember, but I can’t –“

                “ – The border is thin,” she continued. “I don’t even know if it’s for real or if it’s just a product of my imagination, but there seem something strong…”


                Clear blue eyes.


                “ –something so sincere –“




                “ –something so…deep –”


                “I love y –“


                “ –that I can’t seem to remember!” she suddenly burst frustratedly. And before she could even realize it, a drop of tear was rolling down her cheek. “I-It feels like I’m loosing a part of my heart, but at the same time, I’m not sure whether I have that part of heart or whether I’ve really lost it, because I simply can’t remember anything!”


                “Can you tell me anything? Can someone tell mewhat’s going on…?” she muttered to herself.

                Syaoran bit his tongue and remembered the last line Hiiragizawa had said before he ended the call the day before.


“Believe me, Li. If you care about Tomoyo, if you don’t want her to get hurt anymore, you won’t tell her the real story of this…”


Syaoran gazed at his friend, the woman who was supposedly known to be strong.

To him, not telling Tomoyo the real story seemed to hurt her the most.




                At the end, Syaoran kept stating that he knew nothing about it.

                Tomoyo tiredly resumed her walks towards the Hiiragizawa manor. Her encounter with Syaoran had flattened her spirit to get information from Nakuru and Spinel. The two guardians more likely wouldn’t tell her more than what Syaoran had provided her.

                But her feet had brought her to the Hiiragizawa manor sooner thatn she had expected. And before she could even turn around and followed her persistent mind to just get over this problem, Nakuru was calling for her.

                “Tomoyo-chan?” she asked and instantly stopped her current action of watering the flowers near the gate.

                “H-hi, Akizuki-san,” Tomoyo replied unsurely.

                “What are you doing here?” the moon guardian asked without sounding harsh or impolite. By the sound of it, Nakuru looked completely and simply confused.

                “I-I…” was planning to ask you few questions, but… “N-nothing. I am just… passing by,”


                “Er, I-I should go now, I’d –“

                “Tomoyo-chan!” instinctively Ruby called and she walked to the gate to open it. “C-come inside!”

                Still clouded with big question, Tomoyo decided to follow the moon guardian and the next thing she knew, she was already seated in the Hiiragizawa living room with the Moon Guardian sitting in front of her.

                They waited.

                The raven-haired for the revelations, and the brown-haired for the courage.

                Moments passed without the two women’s actions and it was the sudden presence of a flying feline that ignited their reaction.


                “Good afternoon, Daidouji-san,” he greeted politely. “I don’t mean to be harsh, but what business brings you here?”

                Strengthening herself, she replied, “I want to know the truth,”

                “Eriol-sama has told you all the truth,”

                “Truth? There are too many holes in his story, I don’t believe him,”

                “He’s saying the…truth,” the feline insisted.

                “I can sense that there’s something wrong, Spinel. I may not have any magical ability, but I can feel it,”

                “You’re mistaken,”

                “He’s hiding something, I know it,”

                “But he does it for your own good!”

                Spinel’s blurtout toughened her belief. “So it’s true… Hiiragizawa is hiding something, right?”

                The feline looked embarrassed and he flew lower, almost like he wanted to rest on the Daidouji woman’s lap, but he wasn’t. “It’s for your own good…”


                “He cares so much about you, please, don’t waste his sacrifice. This is… for both of you,”

                Tomoyo smiled softly and caressed Spinel’s blue fur tenderly. “If it’s really for both of us, then why did he look at me with such sad eyes?”


                “You love your Master, don’t you?”


                “Do you want to see him get hurt?”

                Spinel made a sound that almost sounded like a whimper. “I don’t want him to get hurt more than this, Daidouji-san…But I can not defy his order, and thus, I apologize, I can not say the truth to you,”

                The Sun Guardian looked so miserable, torn between the two sides of loyalty towards his master, and Tomoyo couldn’t help but to feel sorry for the poor creature. “Forgive me. I don’t mean to press it on you –“

                “No, it’s not your fault,” Spinel cut her with determination. “You’re the only one who can save Master, if only he lets you to. But again, we’re sorry. We can not tell you anything,”

                “… is it final decision?” she tried to joke.

                Nakuru nodded seriously. “Yes… I’m afraid so,”




                Tell me, O, Mnemosyne

                Mother of the muses

                Goddess of the memories

How can I remember the true myth?


                He might have complimented himself to be a strong-hearted man after all.

                Or a fool one.

                Either one, he could hold every single desire of wanting her.

                Wanting to touch her.

                Wanting to be with her.

                Wanting to simply love her.

                He could hold those desires.

                But for once…

                Just let him loosen up his stupid ideal…


                Eriol gazed down at the sleeping woman and ever so slowly, almost too slowly, he approached the sleeping figure and sat by her side on her bed. The silvery moonlight beam that peeked through her lacy curtains illuminated her figure, complimenting her look, making her seem like so…unreal, like fairies…

                Such a breathtakingly beautiful woman…

                He smiled tenderly and tucked few strands of hair behind her ear…

                If only thee can stop the Time.

                … and he gently bent down to lay a kiss on her forehead when –

 –Her violet eyes slowly fluttered opened.




Tomoyo couldn’t believe what her eyes were seeing.

The nightmare she had just had was so terrible, that she just needed to wake up and save herself from it. But what greeted her was the devil guy himself.

She instinctively opened her mouth to scream but before she could express a single sound, his hand was quick in action and covered her mouth.

“Hush,” Eriol said in a controlled and commanding tone.

Undeniably, the guy was aristocrally handsome and beautiful –that it was both mesmerizing and terrifying. His aura showed natural elegance, intelligence, and –at one point –arrogance. To top it all, his icy blue eyes... were piercing, strong, and mischievous…

Speak of the devil.

“I won’t hurt you,” he spoke calmly yet still sternly. “But I want you to promise not to scream after I let go of my hand, you agree?”

Tomoyo gave the almost frantic nods.

He sighed, pulled back and slowly released his hand from his mouth. Tomoyo slowly began to take more breaths and tried to calm herself. But no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t stop her own trembling. She guessed it was just the after effect of the bad dream she was just having. Eriol’s sudden appearance was probably only a bad-timing.

“You’re trembling,” he spoke it outloud. “Are you afraid of me or something?”

                She probably wasn’t, but perhaps, due to her shock, she still didn’t reply.

                The bespectacled guy sighed quickly. “I know, I am the evil guy. And you have all the rights to think that way and you are free to think that way too but –“

                His sudden move startled her.

                He pulled her into a tight embrace.

                “Two minutes,” he muttered as closing his eyes and savoring her jasmine scent. “Just take off all your bad presumption towards me for two minutes. And after that… after that you’re free. You’re free to think of me as a monster, a demon, anything. I don’t care if you’ll hate me afterwards, but now –“

                “Hiiragizawa-san,” she finally spoke. And slowly, her arms went up and hugged him back. “I understand. 2 minutes, right?”

                He nodded slowly and welcomed the genuine happiness.

                Holding her, loving her…

                If only 2 minutes could last forever... If only it could –

                The slight wetness on his shoulder woke him off from his happy reverie. Clearing his throat, he asked, “… Why are you crying?”

                The grip on his jacket went tighter. It was obvious that the girl was struggling not to cry nor sob, but failed in every possible way. “I’m not cry –“

                “Yes, you’re crying… can’t you hear yourself? Geez, you’re still stubborn,” and he couldn’t help but smiled softly remembering her antics. “Everyone may say that Daidouji is all about poise, but seriously, I think it is actually your headstrongness that makes you a true Daidouji,”


                Could anyone please tell her how a mere devil could bring such warmth to her heart?

                How could he?

                How could she feel like she almost knew him for real, love him for real, even when she actually didn’t remember him except being the manipulative old friend?

                “Hiira –“

                “Time’s over,” he announced himself and released his embrace from her.

                Tomoyo felt like her heart was falling down and down until it hurt the ground hard.

                When his blue eyes gazed at her again, the same coldness and aloofness were already back. Eriol managed his stare for a few seconds before he stood up from her bed and turned around. “Don’t worry. The evil guy will go now. Go back to your sleep,”

                She panicked. She truly didn’t want him to go –

                “Wait, Hiiragi –“

                But he was already gone.


                To Be Continued.


Important Notes:
1. This is only one of the ALTERNATE ENDING of the Mnemosyne's Labyrinth. It is NOT the official ending. I'm posting it here just for fun and because some people ask for it.
2. This is created in 2008. I don't check on the grammar. I don't check on the plot, the fluidity of the story, I don't revise it at all.
3. Again, even when I'm posting this, the only ending/story that I admit as official is only the one I posted on the ff.net
4. Beware of mushy, fluffy, suck, yucky overflowed romance. The overused of romance is one of the factor why I don't want to publish this version on ff.net
5. Do not read if you're already fine with the ending of ff.net. This seriously has different atmosphere, different viewpoint, different...well...things.
6. This will start on the 17th chapter. So Chapter 1 - 16 of this version is the same with the official one. Chapter 17 of the alternate ending is already posted before on this LJ.

If you're still fine, then you may proceed...

Mnemosyne's Labyrinth (Alternate Ending)
Chapter 18

                “Your luggage look heavy. Do you want me to carry those for you, Daidouji-san?”

                Tomoyo turned around and saw that the politely-masked Hiiragizawa Eriol was already present behind her, and without her approval, he had already reached out for her two suitcases and brought them without saying another words.

                “… Thank you,” she said slowly, mostly perplexed and cautious with each of his choice of behavior. This was… again, Hiiragizawa Eriol after all. Name all forms of his insanity: he was an obsessed sorcerer, a manipulative and tricky man –the kind of guy she would wisely avoid and not messed up with.

                She trailed behind him downstairs to the front of the gate where her limousine was waiting. During the walk, he talked nothing, while she had gazzilions of questions on her head.

                “I don’t remember bringing these luggages to your house. It’s almost like I was intending to stay at your place for a long time,” she commented, purposedly using it as a bait –anything, just to let him spill something about her queer presence for 6 months in the Hiiragizawa manor.

                “… I’ve told you, Daidouji-san. You couldn’t handle the effect of The Memory and then you have never waken up until yesterday,”

                “Yes, but I don’t remember carrying these luggages –“

                “I got those for you months back,”

                “But why –“

                He suddenly turned around and she abruptly halted her steps. Flashing her one of his fake debonair smile, Eriol replied, “At this rate, you’d better not satisfy the curiosity of yours, Daidouji-san. Or would you rather hear my stories of what I have done to your body during your state of comatose?”

                Tomoyo glared at him with the upmost disgust.

                He was still the same guy whom she knew 6 months back.

                “You didn’t do anything,” she stated almost in imperative tone.

                “Yes, I was fool enough not to,”

“…You’re a bastard,” she muttered.

                Chuckling evilly, Eriol turned around again and resumed his walk.

                She didn’t dare to ask any other questions and just followed him to her car. He efficiently put her suitcases inside the spacious car and stepped aside to let the woman entered her car.  After making sure that her bodyguard had also joined her mistress, Eriol closed the door and continued his chesire-cat grin. With a wide beam, and twinkling eyes, he waved his hand, “Bye-bye, Daidouji-san!” and he quickly turned around and –

                Unexpected by him, the limousine’s door swung opened, the Daidouji woman stepped out and quickly took a hold of his wrist.

                He looked pass his shoulder with teeth gritting so hard inside.

                Oh, how he hated this woman to bring him the hesitation. Didn’t she knew how many willpower he had prepared to let her go?

                “W-wait,” she told him.

                Finally turning around to face her again, Eriol replied the girl with cheeky grin. “Yes, Daidouji-san?”

                “…Is there something I need to know?” she finally asked him. “I know you’re hiding something from me and –“

                He almost sighed frustratedly but he restrained himself. “No. There’s nothing important you need to know, Daidouji-san. Now you’d better go. Your bodyguards are waiting for you,”

                “But I sense something –“

                “It’s just your feeling, Daidouji-san,” he cut her. “How many times should I tell you that –“

                “Hiiragizawa Eriol,” she interrupted him back. “Please. Tell me,”

                He was tempted. Oh, those stern yet lovely violet eyes… it was almost ridiculous that he fell in love with her that hard, that he almost obliged to all her orders just with the single glance.


                Eriol knew what was right to do.

                What was best for both of them

                And if that required his hurting heart, he didn’t give a damn.

                “…There’s nothing more you should know. Now go,”

                “Hiira –“

                “Go,” he ordered fiercely. Later, Eriol sighed and added, “Please,”

                Daidouji women were not people whose wills would be shaken by mere harsh words or cruel treatement. So Tomoyo wouldn’t normally back off just by this, but –


                Blue eyes that looked so sad, so hurt… –she honestly felt her own heart funnily breaking just by looking at his pained expression.

                And thus, even without knowing why, Tomoyo felt like she owed this supposedly bastard an apology.

                “I’m sorry,” she murmured.

                He didn’t reply and just walked back to the mansion. She stood, rooted to her spot, for several minutes, until finally her bodyguard called –breaking her trance, and she got inside the car again.




                “Don’t you love her, Eriol-kun?”

                Eriol averted his sight from the window and gazed up at the still floating Sakura as The Memory. And without the slightest deter, he replied, “Do I even need to answer that?”

                “Then why are you doing this? Why are you lying? Why are you characterisizing yourself as the evil one and –“

                “Because that’s exactly the characteristic of Hiiragizawa Eriol she knew… the side of me that she remembered,”

“You can tell her, can’t you? I know I can not bring back that certain part of Tomoyo-chan’s memory, but you… you still can. You can remind her, you can tell her the truth and –“

                “She will not believe it,” he concluded as watching out of the window again. The black limousine which came to pick Tomoyo up had started to move and soon it would be out of his sight.

                She would be out of his sight.

                “She only remembers me as a… wicked man –one who has weird obsession and plans to execute wacky experiments towards her. If I said I loved her, she would be freaked out. And I certainly don’t want to terrify her with my selfish confession. Besides… what if her heart still hurting? Her memory has gone back to the moments where she was still unable to let you and Sonomi Daidouji go…”

                Sakura shook her head. “She will no longer feel the pain of losing me and her mother.True, that she couldn’t memorize the part when she heals, but it doesn’t matter, because her heart has healed –and that’s what matters. You see, Eriol-kun, memories only works in her mind. She can’t remember that she has healed, but as the matter of fact, she is healed. And that feeling will remain even with some part of her memories erased,”

                He softly smiled. “That’s good then. She will no longer suffer, ne?”

                Emerald eyes gazed down brokenly. “W-why are you sacrificing yourself?! You can tell her about you, Eriol-kun! You can –“

                “It won’t change anything,” he said stubbornly.

                Sakura paused. “…The way I see it, Eriol-kun, you’re just trying to torture yourself. Why?! Why are you doing this?”

                “I think… I just learn. With Kaho, I have had this…crazy obsession into reliving her again. It’s a…selfish, possessive emotion. And I’m not going to repeat the same mistake with Tomoyo,”

                “But –“

                “I think it’s enough, Sakura. I don’t… want to talk about this anymore,”

                “…I’m sorry, Eriol-kun,”

                “It’s alright. I thank you too, Sakura. And I’m sorry that I have your soul trapped here –“

                “Eriol-kun, it’s my own wanting to leave the slightest part of the soul here. I still want to watch up you guys…”

                “… You’re a very kind person,”

                Sakura bitterly smiled. “So are you, only you’re much fooler sometimes,”




                Inside her old room in the Daidouji Mansion, Tomoyo traced her fingers on one of the picture taken from ‘Tomoeda University Graduation Day’ years backward. It was one of her most prized documentation –one that showed such beautiful emotions among her most precious people. Sakura on the picture was circling her arm around Tomoyo’s neck, and behind her, stood firm and poised, none other than the Daiodouji Sonomi herself. She looked rigid, but even the sterness of her eyes couldn’t hide the true mirth and pride that shone from those strong eyes.

                Almost strangely, the depressed state she thought she would feel, didn’t approach her. She felt the sad lost, sure. Two of her most important people were no longer in this world, the fact would always sting her. But that time, she wasn’t greeted with the expected gloominess –instead she was experiencing something that she would later call as… readiness.

                Her readiness to accept the fact and to let go.

                Upon admitting that, she would feel ashamed. How could she let go the death of Sakura and Sonomi so easily? Of course, she had known (her bodyguards had told her in the car) that more than 7 months had passed since the death of Sakura and Daidouji Sonomi. And she had also encountered the strange fact of how she didn’t seem to remember anything during her ‘6 months peculiar comatose’ (as Hiiragizawa would refer).

                Did her months-long ‘comatose’ really heal her pain of losing those 2 people?

                It was almost illogical, but she found no other more logical explanation besides that. And to make it worse, Hiiragizawa Eriol sealed his mouth and never spoke a thing about it.

                So to conclude, the mystery led to the blue-eyed magician.

                Which almost practically meant: dead end.

                She would never discover the truth, she would never discover the memories…


                “If you want to end your life that much, why don’t you just give it for free to me instead?”

“You will have no life,”

“I need a vessel,”

                “The bargain that I will have is you. With your memories sealed, and your Daidouji Tomoyo’s existence forgotten, you will be mine,”


“Besides, you have nobody now. Sakura and your mother are dead. For who else will you continue to live your sorrowful life?”

“Give yourself to me, Daidouji-san. Nobody in this world that wants you beside me now,”

                The more she tried to remember it, the surer she was that her ‘relation’ with Hiiragizawa Eriol consisted only dark, bitter, depressed sensations.

                A part of her told her to just let her little curiosity go. It was fortunate enough the crazy sorcerer didn’t do anything insane towards her body while she ‘fainted’ in his house –Tomoyo almost didn’t want to know the possibly other side of it.

                But on the other hand…


                Those blue eyes…

                She had known Hiiragizawa Eriol since she was in the 5th grade, and she had met him when he first offered to seal the memories, but even with those events, Tomoyo had never remembered him for having such… sad yet warm eyes.

                In a way, it almost reminded her of the way Syaoran would look at Sakura years ago when Sakura hadn’t discovered her true feeling.

                The gaze of a man longing for love.

                But wait, love?


                And her?


                The idea was so absurd that Tomoyo almost didn’t dare to think of it.


                But yet… at the same time, something inside her heart stirred and she found a bubbling yet painful grip around her chest.

                And to her horror, she found herself smiling just thinking of that bespectacled guy.

                Not only that, she also couldn’t stop thinking of him, aching to see his face, desperately wanting to be by his side…

                Judging the indication, Tomoyo jokingly stated that she was in love.

                But in the name of satire irony, how could she?

                How could she love someone whom she never knew, never spent true times with?

                Realizing the impossibility, she concluded that surely, this couldn’t be love.

                This was a joke.

                One big joke.

                A big joke that was so funny, that it made her unknowingly cried her eyes out.

                And she wasn’t entertained by that supposedly joke.


To Be Continued

Important Notes:
1. This is only one of the ALTERNATE ENDING of the Mnemosyne's Labyrinth. It is NOT the official ending. I'm posting it here just for fun and because some people ask for it.
2. This is created in 2008. I don't check on the grammar. I don't check on the plot, the fluidity of the story, I don't revise it at all.
3. Again, even when I'm posting this, the only ending/story that I admit as official is only the one I posted on the ff.net
4. Beware of mushy, fluffy, suck, yucky overflowed romance. The overused of romance is one of the factor why I don't want to publish this version on ff.net
5. Do not read if you're already fine with the ending of ff.net. This seriously has different atmosphere, different viewpoint, different...well...things.
6. This will start on the 17th chapter. So Chapter 1 - 16 of this version is the same with the official one.

If you're still fine, then you may proceed...

Mnemosyne's Labyrinth (Alternate Ending)

                Chapter 17


                At the end, he had never thought it would be this way. His resolve months ago, when he first found out Kaho’s incurable disease, was to bring back what could and what supposed to be his.

                Kaho’s love. Kaho’s memory.

                Kaho. Her everything.

                It had been his sole will, his only life’s ambition back then. He would live and bear the unbearable pain of losing Kaho –anything so that one day his patience would be rewarded and he could be united with Kaho again.

                He had thought his life would just go through that path and that was it. Seal Kaho’s memory, find a girl to be the perfect vessel, transplant Kaho’s memory into that certain vessel, and then welcome the happy ending for him. Supposedly.

                But he though… that time, when he attended Daidouji Sonomi’s funeral and first laid eyes on that violet-eyed woman, he made a mistake.

                Something that he hadn’t originally planned.

                He fell in love.

                He had thought it was only… the kind of physical love –the kind of love and desire that his body needed just because Daidouji Tomoyo appeared to be his perfect muse. But no, it wasn’t only about her beauty, it was about something much more –a feeling which grew more and more as the days kept passing. Something that he was certain he would still feel even if Daidouji Tomoyo suddenly turned into a hideous-looking woman or whatsoever. Genuine. His feeling to her, that was.

                And now, he had finally let go the memories of Kaho. The thing that he had taken care for, cherished for, and sometimes… get obsessed with. All the sacrifice, and he would do it willingly for one girl.


                His body shook a little upon hearing his name called. Turning around, he could see that Tomoyo was standing by the door that led to the small balcony where he currently was present. The girl was still pale and her hair was considerably messy for the usually refined Daidouji heiress. She was clutching the thin blanket that was preventing her from the night’s chill.

                “What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be resting in your bed?” he asked.

                “For a moment, please stop treating me like an ill patient,”

                He raised an eyebrow. “But you are ill,”

                “My fever has gone 3 days ago, you know it,”

                “Yes, but your body condition is still worrying,”

                “You just worry too much,” she pointed out.

                He smiled and pulled the girl into his loose embrace. The action made the woman blushed –for she was still slightly not used to all this new stage of her relationship with Eriol. She sighed and returned the hug, her head tilted slightly to his shoulder, and he began to stroke his long fingers in gentle movement at her raven hair.

                “How much time do I have? Until The Memory finally do its spell and erase all my memories?”

                “Sadly, I can not predict that. But I’m sure that we don’t have much time. I have been thinking, and I’ve decided that I will take that chant off from you now,”

                Tomoyo nodded and they said nothing to each other for quite some time, instead they just kept hugging each other as gazing up at the night’s stars.

                “I don’t want to lose my memory,” she spoke suddenly. “I don’t want to lose my memory about you –“

                “And I will make sure you’ll never lose it,” he said in determination. “I’ll take the seal now. Are you ready?”

                Slowly nodding, Tomoyo then released herself from his hold and she gazed up at him with the trademark Daidouji bravery. “I’m ready,”

                Effortless, Eriol called upon the Sun Staff, pulled out The Memory card and quickly chanted the mantra to call upon The Memory.

                ‘Sakura’ suddenly appeared between the two dark-haired and she gave her usual grin –which was immediately returned by the equal smile from the two living humans.

                “Saku, I mean, Memory…” Eriol spoke calmly. “I order you to take off the seal from Tomoyo,”

                The Memory closed her eyes and the flashing light came from her.

                And then Tomoyo felt… pain and she screamed.

                “Tomoyo?!” shouted the panicked Eriol as the raven-haired woman fell to the floor and clutched her head tightly –as if trying to ease the painful sensation. Gazing up at the floating Sakura, Eriol demanded, “S-Sakura?! What happened? Why’s Tomoyo –“

                More blinding sensation and this time, he covered his eyes from such brutal light. When he opened them again, he realized that he was no longer in the balcony of his manor, but he was standing in a white world, similar to the world where he used to keep Kaho’s memory –only, in this world there was no limitless glass.


                There was no Tomoyo in sight, but there was still the floating Sakura in front of him. “S-sakura?”

                “I’m sorry, Eriol-kun,” Sakura muttered sadly.

                Horror filled his senses and he shook Sakura’s body. “What do you mean?“

                “I’ll try. I promise, I’ll try to take off Tomoyo-chan’s seal and then I’ll try not to lose her memories… But the seal has automatically worked and –“

                “Surely there’s something you can do! Y-you are… you’re The Memory! You’re Sakura!!”

                Sakura bowed in sad expression. “I’ll try, I promise I’ll try…”

                “Sakura! Please –“

                “I’ll try, I promise, I promise –“


                The whiteness around them started to fade, and when he took the awareness back he realized that they were back in the balcony. The Memory was still floating, and she closed her eyes in deep concentration while her hand clasped together in praying gesture. Eriol looked down and saw that Tomoyo was still writhing in pain on the floor.


                He immediately kneeled and tried to hold her. “Hold on, hold on… And be strong, please, Tomoyo, just be strong!”

                “I-It hurts… God, it hurts…” her voice cracked.

                His throat felt dry and he realized that he himself had been shivering for the last few minutes. This was the same fear that he had experienced months ago when Kaho was dying, this was the fear of losing someone.

                What if she forgets me?

                What if she’s not okay?

                What if –

                Both anger and desperation screamed in his head and in clumsy movement he held both her cheeks and bent down.

                And he kissed her.

                His kiss was both gentle and frustrated at the same time. He tried to pour it all, his feelings, his love, his everyting….


                Please, don’t take her away from me…


                The floating Sakura started to disappear back into the card and after a final scream of pain, Tomoyo fell down unconscious to his lap.




                Eriol never let go of her hand.

                He waited for Tomoyo to regain her consciousness after The Memory’s attempt to take the seal off. Hours had passed since that certain incident, dawn was nearing, but he never let his guard down all night long. He would wait, he would wait until –

                Those beautiful violet eyes slowly revealed themselves.

                And instead of be filled with mirth, he grew the certain fear again.

                What was going to happen?

                Did she really lose her memory?

                Tomoyo tried to accustom herself towards her surrounding and she slowly got her body to be in the sitting position on the comfortable bed. Her gaze fell to the bespectacled guy –whose eyes were mixture of complex feelings: relief, anxiety, hope, love, and dread.

                And the very first sentence that he managed to mutter towards her was, “Do you remember who you are?”

                The woman blinked several times and he held her breath in anticipation.

                “Of course. I’m Tomoyo Daidouji,” the woman replied.

                Perhaps it was due to great deal of happiness or a certain amount of disbelief that he questioned her again. “Y-you really remember yourself? Your memory? Your life?”

                Tomoyo stared at Eriol as if he was saying the silliest thing in the whole world. “Of course. I remember all things that have happened to myself in my 25 year old life,”

                “R-really?” he asked stupidly.

                She sighed. “Yes, I remember my childhood, I remember all the card capturing activities, I remember my high school and college life, I remember Sakura-chan’s wedding, and… My mother and Sakura’s death…” she trailed slower. “Yes, I remember it all,”

                “T-then it means you don’t lose your memory?”


                “Then you still remember me?”

                “Of course. You’re Hiiragizawa Eriol. You’re the reincarnation of Clow Reed and you’ve helped Sakura-chan transformed all the cards with the certain level of your…playfulness,” she continued. “And… you appeared back again in Tomoeda not so long ago, then you proposed me the scary idea of sealing my memories and –“ she paused upon looking at his expression.

                Never before she had seen someone with expression that… genuinely happy.

                “Thank Goodness,” he murmured. “I-I thought you will lose your memories, I thought I will once again lose someone I –“ Eriol trailed incoherently as he raised his hand to touch her cheek. “Tomoyo…”

                She flinched suddenly.

                He paused and went rigid. “Tomoyo?”


                “What happen? Are you okay?”

                “What’s… with the sudden familiarity, Hiiragizawa-san?”

                He was silenced.

                True, they were never a declared official couple and all the close ‘relationship’ happened almost too offhandedly without any clear indication of it. But he thought that… well… he thought that it wouldn’t be a problem. At least they knew the real feelings of each other and that was enough…


                Was it not?

                “I-I’m sorry. I just thought that… well… I used to call you Tomoyo and you used to call me Eriol a while ago. Do you… forget that?”

                She eyed him with caution. “I… never remember that I used to call you with your first name,”

                “What?” panic and confusion rooted inside him. “I don’t understand. Weren’t we –“ he cut his own saying and examined her equally confused expression. “D-do you really remember me, Tomoyo?”

                She sighed. “Yes, I do. Didn’t I make myself clear, Hiiragizawa-san? You –”

                His expression paled. “Do you remember me?” he repeated.

                Tomoyo watched him with annoyed expression. “For the third time, Hiiragizawa Eriol, yes I remem –“

                “Do you remember me?” he repeated again.

                It was then that she realized that the magician didn’t only mean about his background or his personal data or whatsoever. No, he meant something deeper, something precious, something that…


                “I think I’m in love with you, Tomoyo,”


                … that she could not remember knowing.


                “…No. I don’t remember,” she honestly replied –referring to that certain something that seemed to be remembered dearly to him.

                There was a long, dead silence in which made the atmosphere equally dead.

                Tomoyo didn’t even dare to watch that blue-eyed guy –there seemed to be something… bitter… too bitter… about him that –

                “What’s the last thing do you remember? What’s the last thing do you remember about me…Daidouji-san? ” he asked and it wasn’t unnoticeable that he had called her with the sudden unfamiliarity again.

                Still without looking at him, she replied, “You offered me the trade… sealing my memory with the payment that you’ll have my…body, because you want to use it as the vessel for Mizuki-san’s memory. And then… you… showed me the card… The Memory, if I’m not mistaken. You tried to seal my memory and the cloaked figure turned out to be Sakura and then there was black,”she paused. “And then I wake up like this…”


                “So… you don’t rememember anything after that?” he tried to make sure.

                “Is there anything I should remember?” She asked back with honest inquiry.

                He lifted his face, and she was forced to look at those pools of deep sapphire.


                “… No,” he finally replied. “There isn’t anything…important –“


                “I don’t want to lose my memory about you…”


                He gritted his teeth anc his fist clenched tightly in frustration and broken heart. “Nothing at all,” he declared.

                There was deep silence.

                And despite her horror about the insane guy who (in her memory) wanted to seal her memory and use her body as a substitute vessel, she grew certain amount of…

                Equal bitterness.

                She didn’t even understand why, but something deep, deep down in her heart screamed.

                But her mind… could not remember any clue.

                “Are you alright?” she asked.

                He gazed at her. Calmly at first, but then evil coated the first layer of his gaze.

                “I’m alright. I was just thinking and I’ve changed my mind,”

                “What do you mean?”

                “I’ll return you back to your home. I have no need of you anymore. You don’t even worth to be the vessel of Kaho’s precious memories. You are a pathetic excuse of a woman and I take back all my words and my offering,”

                He tortured her with intimidating and stabbing words, but she didn’t felt angry nor sad at all.

                Instead, she felt pity.

                For a man who seemed to suffer a lot of things and still managed to put a mask to lie to the world.

                “Are you alright?” she repeated.

                “You may take your rest for a while. But be sure to get out of this house later this day. I don’t want to see your pitiful existence anymore,” Eriol said as slowly leaving her side and went out of the room. “And Good day, Daidouji-san,”





                May God bless you, the loving ones

                Of the decision of destiny’s cruel joke

                May God bless you, the loving ones

                You’ve lost your loved one in one big joke


                Eriol clenched his fist tightly; his nails almost tore the fleshes in the tightness of his grip.

                “I don’t want to lose you…”


To Be Continued.